Presbyr John Spills The Beans

The fetid stench of the tanners district of second-century AD Ephesos made it out-of-bounds for all visitors, except for hurried business visits. The races of all the Roman Empire rushed in, purchased their wares from the shops and fled, holding their noses. The tanners, emaciated, oil and heat-blackened, might condescend to glance at their customers with vacuous hatred. No one could remember when generations of households of tanners, their wives, children, and slaves did not exist in Ephesos. They could be Greeks, Syrians, Jews, Egyptians. No one noticed or cared.

The residents were not exactly forbidden to venture out of their district. Their children would sometimes innocently play in alley-ways outside. Groups of young men and women would sometimes venture out to more salubrious places outside the district. But after middle-age, no one from the district ever ventured out. By then they were too tired of the outsiders' blows and curses. Certainly, no-one from the tanners district ever tried to enter a temple or the public baths. The tanners district had everything for people whose lives were, from dawn to dusk; toil, sweat, filth and heat. And those odd hours snatched of great joy or great sorrow.

This evening there was a strikingly unusual visitor into the tanners district. He was fleshy and not stooped. His skin was luxuriously oiled, his hair carefully combed. He wore an ornamented Greek cloak. The tanners children playing in the muddy and fouled street fled in terror, screaming,

Hermes! Hermes has come! When will the great flood come?

A few of their fathers came out and stared. The stranger threw a few copper coins at them. He spoke in demotic Greek,

Tell me, when and where will Presbyr John, the last apostle of Jesus Christ, come and speak to you?

The men scurried over and picked up the coins. They pointed the stranger to a spot at a street corner. The stranger courteously thanked them. They bowed to the strange impersonal power and terror of the Roman Empire.

The stranger walked to the spot and waited. Soon the tanners came out of their shops, with glowing lanterns in their hands and stumbled through the mud. A small number of them came to the spot. They were quickly joined by women and children. The stranger moved reflexively from them and his right hand grasped his dagger, his left his purse.

There was suddenly applause and shouts of ‘Hallelujah!’ A Jew in a clean and plain Greek cloak strolled towards them and took a position arms-length from the crowd. The stranger recognised the man from Christian congregations in Ephesos ten years before. He had the pinched face and thin bearing of a man whose childhood had known many deprivations. But he stood erect like a man who had never known physical labour.

Presbyr John glanced suspiciously at the stranger. In one hand he grasped scrap papyrus. They were scrawled over with Greek words.

He looked down at a papyrus. Then he raised his head and boldly addressed the crowd in a Hebrew-accented demotic Greek.

‘The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show His servants things which must shortly take place. And he sent and signified by His angel to His servant John to bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, to all things that he saw.’

The stranger shouted,

In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, you are possessed by devils. All people here take note. This Jew is scarcely thirty. Jesus Christ was crucified and rose from the dead seventy years ago. I know the real Presbyr John. He is still alive and lives in a Christian house in the agora district.

The crowd turned and glanced at the stranger,

Show your Presbyr to us then.

They spoke as mockingly as they dared,

He must be a living corpse.

‘I am Presbyr John’,
  said the Jew haughtily to the stranger.
‘Jesus Christ said at the Sea of Tiberias, in Galilee in Judea,
 If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you?
 You follow Me.
From that moment I was filled with the spirit of the Lord and my body has known no aging.’

You are a hanger-on of the gnostic and devil-worshipper Cretinos! shouted Polycarp

‘I know you’, snapped Presbyr John.

‘You are the Greek Polycarp. It is you who worship devils. Jesus, blessed be his name, died on the cross and his Christ spirit departed back to Heaven and eternity. You have made a man, blessed though he was, into a devil, like Dionysos and the cursed living Emperor Trajan.’

A gasp went up through the crowd. Everyone stared at Polycarp for his response. But Polycarp did no more than turn pale and glance quickly around.

‘Those ill-chosen words could have everyone here, including myself, speared or crucified by the watch on sight. I will now stay silent and pay attention to your blasphemous gnosticism.’

Presbyr John spoke and gesticulated in a hoarse but charismatic voice. And his face glowed like a statue of a pagan messenger of the Gods. He spoke the words of the Christian Book of Revelation. He finished with a short prayer.
 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

The crowd rushed forward and handed, into his bowl, copper coins. Women and children handed to him cakes and cheap wine. Presbyr John distributed his papyrus scraps to a few tanners.

Polycarp purchased the parchment scraps. He turned on his heel and walked swiftly out of the quarter. As soon as he was out of view, he grabbed his nose and retched. He turned, faced the quarter and made the sign of the cross.

Jesus Christ, he whispered,
Cast this fetid district and all its inhabitants into the flames of hell. Consign the impostor to eternal torment. No, I have forgiven all the inhabitants. They know not what they do. The impostor has given them hope for eternity. We should bless him as we bless Pandora who released hope at the bottom of her box of curses to the world. Then God cast me down. I had forgotten Pandora is just an ill-figment of the imagination of poets.

He glanced down at the papyrus. The scrawled text was full of grammatical errors. Its message was blasphemous and without rational meaning. But he could not deny to himself it contained in its tortured words a raw and vivid imagery.

He took his path to the agora. When he went upstairs to the room in the house the Ephesos Christians had set aside for Presbyr John, he bowed low at the sight of the last living witness of Jesus Christ. Presbyr John woke up from a deep drowse. Polycarp kissed him.

Presbyr John spoke.

‘He said very soon, maybe before the next Holy Day, I will be in Paradise.’

Polycarp recalled the blasphemous words of the impostor and shuddered. He had promised the tanners that Paradise was an eternal wedding orgy. He wished he could cast away the papyrus scraps. But some malign power compelled him to hold them inside his purse.
They spelt the name ‘Jesus Christ’ and spoke of a ‘Day of Judgment.’
God's word speaks in many mysterious ways.

He poured out wine from the jug on the table and propped up Presbyr John to drink.

After Presbyr John had quenched his thirst and settled down for the night, Polycarp cleared his throat. He had rehearsed the words since last Holy Day. He suddenly felt very afraid to voice them. As a Greek, he had always felt an atavistic fear in the presence of a Jew. Greek culture was so all-empowering that very few Greeks even bothered to learn the language of their ostensible masters, the Romans. But Jews, even their poorest brethren, had always spooked him. Polycarp had been baptised in a Christian household as an infant. The presence of Jews had always filled his thoughts and dreams of the open grave in Jerusalem.

But his words, choked and fearful, came out. They could be held back no longer.

Presbyr John, blessed be your name, your time on this corrupt earth is very short. You are a Jew. I and most Christians are Greeks and Syrians. Greeks seek God in wisdom. Jews seek God in miracles. You are the last living eye witness to the resurrection. If you do not tell me what happened, that knowledge will be lost to all times.
I, an educated Greek, know the stories of the four Gospels are stories to edify children and simple souls. When I preached to the congregation that the Emperor Domitian condemned you to boil in oil and a miracle preserved your life, I was embarrassed. But when you returned to Ephesos from Patmos, you told the congregation of your ordeal by burning oil with such eye-weeping sincerity even throwing in personal details that every one believed you. Even I did until I thought about it later in the early hours of the morning. I know now it was a parable.
Tell me now what really happened in Jerusalem seventy years ago? Then you can enter into Paradise free of all sins. I believe you are Presbyr John. But what is the truth, the literal truth of Jesus Christ of Nazareth?

Presbyr John sighed,

‘I will now tell you – if, on your death bed, you tell the next Presbyr of the Church what I tell you, and instruct him to do the same to the Presbyr after him. This will be the last salvation of the Christian Church. Without it, Christianity would pass through time like a wind storm that only leaves debris in its wake.

Jesus the Nazirene, blessed be his name, planned his own crucifixion to restore the Kingdom of David in Israel and end the heinous priestly sin of child sacrifice. All Jews know this sin. Most are dismayed by it. But they dare not betray their own priests and people. Every Passover goy children are sacrificed by the Jewish priests. Their body parts and blood are stored for ritual practices by the synagogues.’

Polycarp spoke to sooth Presbyr John's agitation.

Barbarians practise human blood sacrifice too. Even we Greeks in Athens itself practised it only a few centuries ago.

‘But,’ said Presbyr John, ‘we Jews are not barbarians – not even Greeks. We are God's chosen people. The first Patriarch Abraham spared his son Isaac from human sacrifice at God's command. God commanded it to be stopped in Canaan then.
Every Passover, Jewish priests practise it. Jews find God in miracles not wisdom. It says in the Torah that Abraham saw a ram caught by its thorns in a thicket. Many priests think that was not a miracle, merely an earthly excuse by Abraham to spare his only son born from Sarah. We are still waiting for that miracle and this sin will end. Jesus the Nazirene set out to make that miracle. By prayers and potions gathered from the fields, he immured his body from physical pain. He put himself into a trance on the cross.

We apostles believed his plan would succeed. He would be restored in the tomb of Joseph of Arimathaea. He would show himself to the Jews with the marks of the cross. Then all the Jews the priests, rich and poor would believe he was the Messiah. At every Passover, they would eat his flesh and drink his blood in a symbolic ritual of communion. Jesus would restore the Kingdom of David and abolish human sacrifice. Thus the prophecy of Isaiah would be fulfilled. Rome and the Cæsars would be put to dust. The Kingdom of David would rule the earth and all the nations would bow to Jerusalem.

A Roman soldier at the crucifixion did not believe Jesus was dead. He said to us that he had seen too many dead men to believe it. He struck his spear into Jesus' side and blood and water of a living man poured out. We were devastated at this sudden destruction of Jesus' plans. We believed he was dead.

We laid him inside Joseph of Arimathaea's tomb in accordance with our Jewish burial ritual. Then I, his Beloved Disciple saw a sign of life. We departed from the tomb secretly rejoicing at this miracle. On our Holy Day morning, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb with spices and perfumes to minister to Jesus the Nazirene. But the tomb was empty. She went weeping into the garden. There she saw Jesus walking. She ran to him and grasped him. But he said to her,
 Do not cling to me, I have not yet ascended to the Father.

Jesus lived with us for thirty more years in the tomb of Joseph of Arimathaea. But he was a ghost of his former self. He spent most of his waking hours praying in the Temple for the forgiveness of the people until his knees grew hard like a camel. He drank no intoxicating liquids and ate no animal flesh. He did not cut his hair and beard so no non-believer would recognise him.

When there were arguments between the Jewish and the Greek Christians, we consulted him. He always argued that the Greek Christians should adopt all the Jewish rituals and be circumcised before they could enter Paradise. Over the years we became accustomed to ignore his doctrines. We even began to forget his existence as the years passed by. Only Mary Magdalene always stayed with him and answered to his every need. We proclaimed that Jesus had risen to fulfil the prophecies. But the living Jesus we gave the new name of Jacob, called James the brother of Jesus in the Acts of Luke and the epistles.
We called Jacob the new Israel as God had called Jacob Israel.’

Now I understand, cried Polycarp, I had always puzzled – where did James the brother of Jesus and the Presbyr after His resurrection come from? And what was the fate of Mary Magdalene? Were you really a fisherman and was Jesus really a carpenter? How could men who labour with their hands know all the mysteries of God?

‘No. Neither Jesus nor any of the apostles were labourers. Our fathers were rich business men who prospered in Galilee in the Roman peace. We were Galileans – not really Jews. The Jewish Kings had forced us to convert to Judaism. In our hearts we remained close to our forefathers in Africa. Galilean sorcerers can cast out devils, raise the dead, heal cripples, curse our enemies with afflictions. The Christian Gospels are the Galilean tales of sorceres.

Joseph, the father of Jesus, owned a factory near the sea of Tiberias that sold wooden wares. There is no town called Nazareth. We used the name to trick the goyim. His name is Jesus the Nazirene. ‘Nazirene’ is the code word from Nazi meaning vine-root, from the Hebrew Book of Isaiah. It is a metaphor for Messiah.

If a Galilean called himself, or was called by his followers Messiah, the Jewish priests would kill him on sight in accordance with their law. So Galileans use instead Nazirene. When the Jews say Nazirene, they now mean false Messiah.

When the Romans found out the real identity of the Rabbi James the Righteous from their spies, they had him thrown by Jewish traitors from the parapet of the temple and then stoned and clubbed to death. Many pious Jews thought the destruction of the Temple by evil Titus was caused by the pollution of his death.’

Polycarp sipped a draught of the wine.

Did Rabbi Jesus raise the dead and silence the storms? Or are they parables of God's word too?

Presbyr John was silent for some time.

‘After what I have told you, you may not believe anything of Christian scripture. But much of scripture is true. He raised a girl from the dead when all in her household had told him he could do no more for her. A paralysed young man beloved by all his village began to walk again. The Jews broke the roof of their synagogue and lowered him to Jesus' feet. Jesus said to him,
 Your sins are forgiven. Take up your bed and walk.

The young man rose to his feet in a trance and then fainted. From that moment his paralysis began to leave him until he was able to fish again.

The Jews, even in Judea, don't want his name to be remembered. They have turned his name into a curse. But until the day of his crucifixion, almost all followed him and believed. Towns and villages emptied out in great crowds to see and hear him. All weathers turned sunny and calm when Jesus prayed or taught. We called it Jesus the Nazirene Weather.

When the first gospels were written down, Christianity was not yet proscribed by the Romans. It was necessary that these gospels give allegiance to Cæsar. So a trick was played on the Romans. Barabbas the bandit did not exist. When the Jerusalem Jews cried out ‘Barabbas’, they were calling out for the the Son of God in the Aramaic language.

The priests, after the destruction of the temple by evil Titus, adopted the teachings of Jesus the Nazirene for their synagogues to love their neighbours as themselves. But they will never mention Jesus' name except as a curse. Once Jesus was accosted by a Canaanite woman. Jesus was tired and said in irritation –
 It isn't right to take the children's food and feed it to the dogs.

We, his disciples, were shocked. We are God's chosen and no Jew had ever used those words about the goy before. After the fall of the temple, these words planted a seed in the synagogues. It has now grown into a poisonous plant.‘

Presby John fell back onto his bed and he sunk into delirium. He began to chant Hebrew words that Polycarp recognised as the Jewish funeral rites. Then he fell silent. Polycarp crept down the stairs and slipped out the door. Tonight the Ephesos Christians would find Presbyr John dead and would prepare him for a Christian burial.

After the Christian burial of Presbyr John, he, Polycarp, would make the final copy of the Christian bible. Presbyr John had solved the last riddle. The letter of James – that he had always doubted was written by the brother of Jesus – did not refer to his fraternal kinship to Jesus. Now he understood why James did not mention that. The Book of James will balance the Book Of Revelation. Christians down the ages must live on both salt and spice.

Now tonight he must be a witness at the Roman Court House. The Great Persecutor and High Roman Official Pliny was in town. Hundreds of Christians of high social standing, even in pagan communities, over the last several days had been taken into custody by informers. The few Romans among them would be sent pampered to Rome. The rest were expecting torture and execution under the eyes of Pliny, the friend of Emperor Trajan. He had heard Pliny was a lawyer but also an eloquent author. His beak and talons would peck and tear the steadfast to pieces, his eyes might free the faint-hearted who recant among them. A pagan poet and friend, who knew someone who knew Pliny, had stopped Polycarp's own arrest. After his Patmos exile, no informer would dare touch Presbyr John for fear of his magic powers.

A passing donkey bumped into Polycarp. Its Jewish rider cursed and spat at him,

Nazirene, may his name be blotted out for ever. His mother was a prostitute. His father, a Roman soldier! hissed the Jew.

He wore boxes of portions of the Torah strapped to his head and right arm.

Polycarp raised his fist to strike at the priest. Then he froze and his blood turned to ice. This priest could have been Presbyr John's twin brother twenty years before.

Oh Lord, whispered Polycarp.
What forces have You released into this world?